TOBI: The Owner's Guide and Manuel
by Doggy L.O.A.C.W.D.M
Summary: I don't own Tobi or the Owner's Guide and Manuel idea.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Tobi. Masashi Kishimoto does. I only think I could stand Tobi when I'm high on candy :3. I ALSO do NOT own the Owner's guide and Manuel idea. _

**Tobi: The Owner's Guide and Manuel**

Congratulations valued customer (insert name here). You have just purchased model number 20658372149283464727492 of the Tobi unit in our Naruto Shippuden catalog section D. This is your Owner's Guide and Manuel that should address all basic information, needs, warnings, and modes about Tobi unit number 20658372149283464727492.

**Basic Information: The Tobi unit standard data**

Name: Tobi unit of our Naruto Shippuden catalog section D.

The Type (what to expect): Loud, Hyperactive, Clingy, Candy- Addict, won't shut the hell up.

Manufacturing Date (year/month,/day: hour/minute/second/milliseconds):

2009/8/30:9/31/23/12

Manufacturing Company: Scattered Scream © co. Commercials and catalog provided by Just A Marionette© productions.

Weight (customized by customer for customer convenience): Anorexic Skinny **Average** Mildly Obese Obese Morbidly Obese

Height (customized by customer for customer convenience): Grain of Rice Garbanzo Bean Squirt Bottle Up-to-your-hip **Average** Taller-than-a-door House Roof Space Shuttle

**Equip List: Tobi's Fashion sense**

(Quantity: 1) Black Cloak with snap buttons. Comfortable Silk, Roomy Sleeves, Roomy Body, Roomy Collar. Un- snaps in the front collar to torso to knees

(Quantity: Approximately 34) Red clouds. White Outline. Sewn around Black Cloak.

(Quantity: 2 or 1 pair) Zoori Sandals. Black.

(Quantity: 1) Tan Sun hat. White cloth falling down from edges. Optional Wear.

(Quantity: 1) Orange Mask. Eye hole on right of mask (Purpose is to see). Swirly Marks beginning from Eye hole that go 360° around.

(Quantity: 2 or 1 pair) Gloves. Part of another outfit beneath. Good for grip.

(Quantity: 2) Underwear. We don't know if the Tobi unit wears boxers or briefs but we are NOT going to look everyday to find out. YOU may try and find out for yourself but only at your discretion.

(Quantity: 7) Bras. One for each day of the week. You never know what your Tobi unit may like…

**The Box: Removing The Tobi Unit**

This process is important. Even thought the Tobi unit has been set to a setting in between cautious and curious, We never know what careless men in postal service do to your precious unit (they seem to have a grudge against us because we deliver our units late at night to countries with different time zones). Upon Arriving use a large whale carrier, forklift, crazy person forklift or your own hand, depending on the size and height of your Tobi unit. Carefully open the box or it's ridiculous amounts of tape, bubble wrap, chains, shackles, and automated technology systems. Note that these are to prevent your Tobi unit from either: Getting stolen, Getting out before shipping, Getting out an then getting stolen, taken to the never ending little girl's tea party or preventing him from getting pimped out (never know what neighborhoods it goes through). Then use a hammer's end to pull out the nails slowly (we don't want you to die from a wild nail before you can purchase more units from our catalog…er…we mean…we very much care about our customer's safety…) and then you must lift up the box just enough to take a peek inside. If there is an eye staring back at you, lift the lid further. If not, feel free to panic because you've either been robbed or he's already gotten out and is heading for your candy stash.

Coax the Tobi unit out by telling him that "this is your new home. I have candy. I have toys. I have t.v. And I have amusing pets." By then, he should already be out, checking every corner of his new home and then in a couple of seconds, will be warmed up to you. WARNING!: Do not say "I have candy. I have toys. I have t.v. And I have amusing pets." If you do NOT in fact have them. The Tobi Unit does not like being lied to and will resort to the diabolical setting.

**Programming: For Situations or just activity**

Hyperactive (_default_)

Comedic Sadness

Sleep

Diabolical

Sinister (_locked_)

Creative

Curious

Cautious (_upon arriving and is then locked away until further use_)

Hyperactive:

This is the default setting soon after opening the casing to the Tobi unit, it is activated. You will feel like your Tobi unit has eaten candy every day. You will constantly hear "Tobi is a good boy". You will see him chase the dog or cat. You will see him flip the channels at an incredibly fast rate. You will see him bouncing up and down asking "Where is the God known as Willy Wonka?" If you are not prepared for this mode, proceed to hiding until the Tobi Unit is convinced your playing hide- and- seek, let him find you and then pretend your pissed off and curse at him to activate the comedic sadness setting.

Comedic Sadness:

This is when your Tobi unit has those rare "How could you? What Did I do to deserve this? I WANNA DIE RIGHT NOW MOMMY!" moments. Note that you will often see navy blue dread lines protruding from the back of his head. Occasionally is he was PWND, he'll have the classic anime sweatdrop. If you find your pillow missing, chances are it's being used as a tissue. If you have children or brothers and sisters, chances are they are being held against their will to listen to his problems. Either way, it's funny (that's why it's called COMEDIC sadness).

Sleep:

This setting is when your Tobi unit will begin to sleep. Whether it be hours, minutes, days, centuries is up to the unit. Note: If this setting is used during the day, your Tobi unit will either become unused to it and become an insomniac or it will become nocturnal (usually only recommended for our vampyre customers).

Diabolical: 

This is when your Tobi unit will become crazy with power and will continuously swing around a katana, breaking everything and anything that will be expensive and ruin your life. So this goes without saying: DO NOT PISS OFF YOUR TOBI UNIT!

Sinister (_locked_):

This is when your Tobi unit will regain it's Madara like transformation. They will be more serious, they will be cunning, and they will exact revenge on Konoha (whether it be the real one or your tiny lego version). In the case it's the real Konoha he's after and you don't live any freakin way near it: When he asks directions (if your lucky), tell him you have no idea. In which case he's most likely gonna stomp on your lego version or tear down you lego version with your hot wheels car. If it's your lego version: just go along with it. There's no stopping it. This mode can only be activated if he's reminded of Konoha in the Diabolical setting or you have a unit of the Senju or Uchiha brand from our Naruto Shippuden catalog in section F.

Creative:

This setting is when your Tobi unit is happy and feeling like showing it. He will either draw using all your crayons and will refuse to giving them back until he's done, he will make a poem, he will make a song, he will write his own fanfiction, or he will sing (we cannot guarantee that YOUR particular unit has the ability to not sing a high pitch frequency that will result in busted eardrums). Note: If you have a Deidara unit: Tobi will take it's advice and create sculptures that will explode and chances are he'll use it in a prank (if this does happen, check your shower, your toilet or your bed. We are NOT held responsible for any medical bills repairing your butt, your face or your back). If you have a Sasori unit: He will take people hostage, give them to the Sasori unit and afterwards, play with the cadaver marionettes. If you have a Hidan unit: The Tobi unit will most likely listen to the religious ramblings and will go around killing people for Jaashin. Inflict the hell with that what you will.

Curious:

Simple. The Tobi unit will get curious about every little thing, ask you about it and annoy the hell out of you. Give him a rubix cube and it should keep his questioning occupied.

Cautious:

The Tobi unit will become very scared and suspicious (paranoid if you will) of everything in sight. Constant murmuring of "They're coming for me." And "I'll get the before they get me." Is to be expected.

**Interaction: Other Units for you**

The Akatsuki Set-

Deidara: Your Tobi unit will often annoy the Deidara unit until he either explodes your unit or chokes him

Pein/Pain: The Leader of the Akatsuki units (until it's revealed The Tobi unit it). The Tobi unit will follow his orders happily (until they're alone and The Tobi unit starts barking the orders)

Sasori: The Tobi unit will generally annoy him until the Sasori unit threatens to shank him and then gut him. Be warned.

Zetsu: The Zetsu unit is generally amused by the Tobi unit and can stand him well.

Konan: Same as the Pein/Pain unit.

Itachi: The Tobi unit will provoke carnage from the Itachi unit. BE WARNED!

Kisame: The Kisame unit finds the Tobi unit annoying but he adds excitement to the Akatsuki hide-out playhouse.

Hidan: KEEP THEM AWAY FROM EACH OTHER!

Kakuzu: KEEP THEM AWAY FROM EACH OTHER!

Any other unit: The Tobi unit will see them as targets of a mission and will do what the Pain/Pein unit assigns him (or in private, what the Tobi unit assigns himself) with any other units. It will be a waste of money to get them.

Any units out side of the Naruto (Shippuden or not) Catalog: his unit will become unresponsive to them and will completely ignore them.

**F.A.Q: The Complaints of Whiny Customers who won't leave us the hell alone**

**Q:** My Tobi unit has been ignoring me ever since I told him I wanted him to quit eating candy.

A: We should mention the Tobi unit hates giving up his candy habits. It's nearly impossible to make him stop all together but If you want to try, you can slowly get him off my giving him less and less each month.

**Q:** My Tobi unit is wearing pink nail polish. Is there something wrong with him?

**A:** Do you have a little brother? He probably pranked your unit. Maybe you've run out of black nail polish. Or it could just be he's wearing the supplied bras and just wants to feel pretty. Give him a complement on his looks but be sure to mention you liked the other style better.

**Q:** Can my Tobi unit dace?

**A:** He had generated his very own style and likes to show it off. If you have him in the creative setting, put on some happy music he doesn't know the lyrics to so he can't sing (in case of a high frequency pitch song) so he has no choice but to dance.

**Q:** My Tobi unit is completely different. At first he was in Diabolical but now he's destroying of all my Konoha souvenirs and now he's shanking my Naruto Unit! What should I do?

**A:** He's in Sinister mode. There used to be a line of Madara units but after a while, we noticed many of our customers were showing up in the paper obituaries so we programmed the Madara unit into the Tobi unit. You should probably distract the Tobi unit, hide your Naruto unit and wait until all your Konoha mementos are destroyed. The Tobi unit should be normal by then.

**Q:** My Tobi unit is hugging my kettle…

**A:** Give him a hug and some tea…

**Q:** I told my Tobi unit he betrayed his family and instead of Comedic sadness, I got Diabolical and he's trying to kill me.

**A:** first: How are you so calm? Second: DIDN'T WE TELL YOU NOT TO MAKE HIM PISSED?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Now that you have read the Owner's Guide and Manuel, we hope the you enjoy you Tobi unit to it's full extent. Give him plenty of love, caring, candy and inexpensive breakable things and your time together should never be boring.


End file.
